Michael A. Obenski, DVM

Any office call involving Mr. and Mrs. Flipflop can be quite a challenge. They truly seem to love their pets, or maybe they don't. And nothing is too much trouble when it comes to their animal's welfare, or maybe nothing is all they are willing to do. It is hard to tell. The truth is, though, they usually are all talk and no action.

Serena is one of my favorite patients. She is a big, old country dog who came into this world two months after her mother - a dog of unknown ancestry – hooked up with her father, a dog of unknown whereabouts.

An office call with Mr. Sidetrack is always a little frustrating. So, since he was 10 minutes early for last week's office call, I decided to postpone my grief as long as possible.

I finished the surgery with feelings of pride and accomplishment. There were enterotomies in four places. The abdomen was closed, the skin was closed, and the drain was in place.

At her last office visit, Mrs. Dimbulb was very anxious to share her latest theory concerning her cat's behavior. "You know, Doctor," she said. "I think I know why Pierce misbehaves when he's here. It's those heavy gloves you people wear when handling him. Those gloves scare him. My sister, Mrs. Tranquil, brings her cat here, and she told me that her cat, Honey Pie, behaves just fine. I think it's because you don't use those scary gloves on her cat."

Will Dawdle was a great veterinarian in the 1970s. In fact, he still is.

Violet Shade is one of my most colorful clients, and I mean that literally. Every time I try to explain something to her, she becomes so embarrassed that her face takes on a crimson glow. Such was the case when I tried to explain why her cat, Pansy, couldn't get pregnant.

I recently read an article touting the 10 safest cities in the United States. I could hardly believe my eyes. My town was not even mentioned.

Are you ready to take a surprise quiz?

Mr. Bullfeather was beside himself with concern over his cat, Raisin.

I found Mrs. Clueless anxiously awaiting my return to the exam room as I entered with the bad news.

It happened in a little-known place called the Elwood Ivins Steel Tube Mill in Horsham, Pa. The year was 1968.

I barely got a chance to say hello before Mrs. Blastaway gave it to me with both barrels.

Mr. and Mrs. Lunkhead showed up at my office one day last month. It was their first visit. It didn't take me long to hope it would also be their last. Their cat, Goner, looked about half dead.

One day last month, I was cruising along a winding, two-lane country road when I noticed a man jogging up the street in the opposite direction. A moment later, I saw a lady walking briskly along a crossroad. She was wearing earphones and apparently listening to her favorite music as she waddled her way to fitness. Within the next few minutes, I counted six more people running, walking or exercising outdoors. This adds up to a strange set of circumstances for a wintry Sunday afternoon in eastern Pennsylvania. I wasn't surprised though. You see, it was Jan. 1, New Year's Day, and all those people had undoubtedly resolved to slim down and get fit during 2006.

It seemed that everyone in the little town of Vetville had gone crazy. Arnie wanted nothing to do with them.

She sent her friend, Lee Vinnahuff, to pick up the cat. She had a few words for me as well ...

Sure you will lose money on these people. But there will be a lot of them.

The lettering on the door said Department of Anesthesiology, Hal O'Thane, DVM. Duey Hafta didn't even bother to read it. He had been knocking on every door in the veterinary school trying to find a botzofer. His patience had worn thin by this point. He felt as though he had asked a million people so far, and none of them seemed to know where the botzofer was or, for that matter, what it was.

Some veterinary client syndromes in desperate need of classification

Walking the red carpet: Mel O'Drama, Alexander Graham Bellow rally for top honors.

Other prizes will be awarded for dumbest question of the year and the coveted lifetime of stupidity award.

Automated processes, forms might not garner the data you seek

Case-in-point: Consider the many uses of an ordinary wire hook and Fred Flintstone's cup

Should we actually charge for medicine or give it away?

I tried to explain that six years and 60 pounds alters a lot of things. He was not in agreement.

Ideologies largely are emotional,which makes them good topics to avoid

This cat owner emergency easily licked by speedy stool sample analysis

Heavy armament needed to fend off this 24-pound bundle of meanness

God must love stupid people. He made so many of them.