Difficult doctors: Coaching the alpha (Proceedings)

Why This? Why Now?

• Most common complaint of managers in veterinary medicine

• People join practices and leave doctors/owners/boss

• We live in an era of consolidation and collaboration if we are to be successful providers

• Must address the "schism" between owners and doctors and front line employees

The Alpha Doctor

• Highly Intelligent

• Confident

• Not happy unless they are calling the shots

• Use "Toxic Tactics" to get their way

• Note to women (rarely will you exhibit all of the characteristics of the alpha doctor), but you can have many

• It's about being socialized to be good collaborators and compromising

• Reach the "top" because they are natural leaders

• Comfortable with responsibility and being the "final word"

• Get stressed when they DON'T have tough decisions to make

• They get such a charge out of being in control that they willingly take on more responsibilities than any normal human being would

• Genius and Madness are hard to separate

• Their greatest strengths are also their greatest weaknesses

• Independent and Action Oriented

• Take for granted extraordinarily high performance

• Expect the same in others

• "Impressive, but I wouldn't want to work for them!"

• Think extraordinarily fast, hard to keep up with

• Prevents them from listening to others (especially those who do not alpha speak)

• Impatience causes them to miss subtle but important details (lack empathy)

• They have opinions about EVERYTHING

• Rarely if ever admit to being wrong or incomplete

• Early in life they KNOW they are smarter than most people and learn very early to circumvent "rules"

• "The rules don't apply to me."

• As adults they believe that their insights are so unique that they put complete faith in their instincts

Alpha Males

• Because their intuitions are often right, they feel justified in focusing on the flaws in other people's ideas or arguments. The results:

• Co-workers are intimidated which makes learning difficult

• The more pressure the "alpha" feels the more he tends to shift his leadership style from constructive and challenging to intimidating or abusive

• Organizations become dysfunctional because people avoid dealing with the alpha male, work around him, or simply pay him lip service

• Unemotional and analytical in their cognitive style

• Eager to learn about business "things" but have little or no natural curiosity about people or feelings

• They rely on exhaustive data to make business decisions, but often make snap decisions about other people which they hold onto tenaciously

• They believe that paying attention to feelings (others or their own) detracts from getting the work done, making them surprisingly oblivious to the effect they have on others

• Judgmental of colleagues who cannot control their emotions

• Fail to notice how they often vent their own anger and frustration

• Often dismiss their won outbursts or minimize them as the rules "don't apply to the top dog"

• They make great mid level managers or entrepreneurs, but the more pressure they feel to achieve the more their faults become weaknesses

• They find difficulty in the transition to inspirational leader

• It is at this stage in their career process that coaching can become helpful

General Alpha Attributes

• Self Confident and Opinionated

• Highly Intelligent

• Action Oriented

• High performance expectations of self and others

• Direct communication style

• Disciplined

• Unemotional

• Acts decisively, good intuition

• Sees beyond the obvious-takes creative leaps

• Produces results

• Sets and achieves high goals

• Moves people to action

• Extraordinarily productive

• Laser focus on objective

Coaching the Alpha

• Requires much skill and "chutzpah"

• Difficult for them to ask for help

• Stubborn and resistant to feedback

• As much as thy love talking about accountability, they feel to see that their own communication style is the roadblock to progress-not someone else's shortcomings

• Uncomfortable not in action

• Feel that coaching is an unproductive use of their valuable time (out of control)

• Coaches challenge is to preserve strengths while correcting weaknesses

Tools and Traps

• The best tool is the 360 degree peer review

• Involve all stakeholders who have direct interaction or directly report

• Suggest a coach who is used to handling "superstars" and standing up to bullies

• Coach does not have to be alpha but must be able to think analytically and be direct in their communication style

The Traps

• Playing "loose and light"

• Too passive

• Reacting anecdotally or with their won non-executive/entrepreneurial experience rendering them irrelevant in the alpha mind

• If the alpha believes that the coach will turn him into an overly sensitive wimp (which he KNOWS the organization does not need), he'll never give the coach a chance

• Excessive Secrecy

• Can't operate in a vacuum

• Only by seeking and getting input from co-workers can the coach truly understand the issues surrounding the alphas behavior

• Only by truly talking openly about his commitment to change can the alpha turn around the pervasive organizational distrust he has created

• Avoid kowtowing at ALL COSTS

• Alphas are relentlessly intimidating

• Expect the world to show them deference

• They possess genuine power

The Right Way to Coach

• Get his attention

• Copious, credible DATA

• Provide undeniable proof of how his behavior is negatively affecting the organization

• Let the data shape the questions and the ask the difficult questions

• Demand His Commitment

• Do you want to change?

• Are you willing to change?

• Will you allow me to help?

• If the answer is no to any of these-move on and let them stew-the coaching will do no good

• Speak his language

• Use graphs, metrics and charts for maximum impact

• Turn feedback into quantitative data

• Hit Him Hard Enough to Hurt

• Review and discuss verbatim comments from co-workers organized into competencies and themes

• "He's brilliant but he doesn't know a thing about people"

• "We feel as though we get raked over the coals every time he is around"

• Deliberately preserve the emotional language

• Many alphas have been dishing out feedback with a 2x4 their entire careers, and this process turns the tables on them

• "No pain, no gain" works with them

• Engage Curiosity and Competitive Instincts

• Defensiveness/Openness scale

• They often give long winded explanations for their shortcomings

• Quick to subtly blame others

• Alphas genuinely believe that everyone else gets defensive, but he just speaks the truth

• Ask the alpha to monitor his own defensiveness

How Defensive are You? (Better)

• Plan the change, engage others, set milestones and implement

• Communicate genuine enthusiasm about change

• Think out loud-make new associations about the problem

• Take full responsibility for the problem

• Request information and examples about the problem

How Defensive are You? (Worse)

• Appear to comply with no intention of changing

• Intimidate or attack the messenger

• Blame or complain about someone who is not present

• Make snippy replies and show your irritation

• Convince them they are wrong and you are right

5 Steps Toward Alpha Growth

• Admit Vulnerability

• Accept Accountability

• Connect with Underlying emotions

• Balance positive and critical feedback

• Become aware of Patterns

1. Admit Vulnerability

• Milestone when they express fear or admit vulnerability

• They will want the feedback to remain private-but it has to be open

• The stronger and more dominant the leader the more powerful the disclosure

2. Accept Accountability

• Difficulty accepting their responsibility

• Never met an alpha male who does not try to shift the blame to others

• Until they accept ownership, the problem will not go away

• The rule of 3: If something foes wrong three times the alpha leader needs to look to himself for the "problem"

• YOWZA!!!

• The most powerful step the alpha male can take is to assume that whatever happens or doesn't happen out there is a direct result of something that he has or has not done.

3. Connect with Underlying Emotions

• Doesn't like them because they cannot be controlled

• Will acknowledge they may play a role but not with him

• They confuse feelings and intuition and often mislabel them

• Tie emotions to physical sensations

4. Balance Positive and Negative

• They are uncomfortable with giving and receiving praise-don't over do it

• "When people show me appreciation I feel........."

• "If I give someone appreciation I would be afraid that....."

5.Be Aware of Patterns

• They spring from family dynamics and they are often predictable

• NO ONE is immune to the affects of their upbringing

• What to Expect

• 360 degree feedback and a few days does the trick for some

• Typically 6 months to a year is needed for sustainable change

• In the beginning of the coaching process he may only pay lip service

Are there Alpha Females?

• Can be just as data driven as men

• Comfortable with control but do not seek to dominate others

• Rise to their positions by excelling at collaboration

• More likely to use a velvet hammer

• Can be defensive and resistant to criticism

• Society is LESS tolerant of these behaviors in women than men

• Less likely to avoid interpersonal issues

• Follow distinctive patterns

• Stung by negative criticism early in their careers

• They come across as more affirming than their male counterparts so you may not see the criticism coming

• Can be accused of being political because they do not always let others know what they feel-what she calls diplomacy he calls politics