Filling in the blanks: How veterinary professionals can rethink the stories they tell themselves

In this episode of The Resilient Vet: Mind and Body Strategies for Success, cohosts Jennifer Edwards, DVM, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP, and Aaron Shaw, OTR/L, CHT, CSCS, explore how the stories veterinary professionals tell themselves can affect their well-being, resilience, and relationships. They discuss why the mind tends to fill gaps in information with negative assumptions, how those interpretations can add to the stress of veterinary work, and how recognizing these patterns can help professionals respond with greater curiosity and less judgment. Edwards and Shaw also share practical strategies for separating what happened from the meaning we assign to it, considering alternative explanations, and asking questions that can strengthen communication and workplace relationships.

Below is a partial transcript.

Edwards: Well, as I just said before, every day we are surrounded by missing information, right? People say things without explaining what they meant, they do things without necessarily telling us why, and things just happen without much context at all. The mind does not like a gap. In fact, it doesn't just dislike it; it doesn't tolerate it. So it immediately fills it in. We create meaning, and it happens very fast and very automatically.

If you imagine a couple of examples: The practice manager texts and says, "Hey, can you just come see me before you leave today?" and nothing else, right? Or—I remember when I was a practice owner—the Saturday afternoon text message from an employee: "Can I talk to you on Monday?" What is it about? "Oh, I'll just talk to you Monday," right? We've all had some version of that. Or maybe a senior doctor or senior team member walks past you in treatment and they don't even say good morning, or somebody gives you a one-word answer, right?

Within seconds, we have a full story: I'm in trouble. She's annoyed with me. She doesn't like me. He thinks it was a dumb question. Whatever interpretation or meaning we apply, it can be many different things, but it usually is not something that makes us feel very good. Most of us have a few go-to themes—the interpretations that we make, the stories that we make up, tend to be about similar things over and over again. For me personally, it oftentimes is some version of "they don't like me," right? And it's not always in those words, but typically I can look at most of my stories and it will pare down to some version of that.

So it's worth paying attention to what patterns, what themes you tend to create, because we can start to recognize them a lot easier and call ourselves out: "Oh, there I go again, creating that same old story."

When these stories arrive—in the moment that we make them up—they feel like they're the truth. We don't think, "Oh, look at me, I'm guessing." We don't question it. To me, my truth in that moment is the truth. However, it is not the truth. It is only my truth. The vast majority of the time, these stories we make up really are not what's actually the truth in that situation.

Shaw: It's funny, even with you saying those examples—which I know they're just examples—there's like a little pit in my stomach. I have a literal visceral response to the "Hey, can I talk to you for five minutes later?" It's like, oh, nobody does that because they're going to celebrate. In my mind, this is my story: this isn't because they're going to share amazing good news. It's always because, oh, this can't be good, whatever it is, or else you just would have said it. It's like, hey, I had a really good day.

It's interesting that even though we're just role-playing, I reflect and realize, oh, I feel something even just pretending we're having these conversations. I think what's different is that your default is maybe a relationship concern, whereas for me, it just means there's a problem coming. It's less personal about whether someone likes me and more about oh boy, there's a problem, something's broken. But it's interesting how it's an automatic default.

Which brings up the question: Why do we default to the negative? When somebody says, "I need to talk to you for five minutes at the end of the day," I've never once thought, Oh boy, I can't wait to hear what they're going to tell me! It's always like, I've got to carry this story in my head all afternoon. Why do we go negative? Why not just neutral?