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The healing power of laughter


The clinical investigation team comprising our Nephrology/Urology Center meets daily to discuss progress, address problems and make plans.

The clinical investigation team comprising our Nephrology/Urology Center meets daily to discuss progress, address problems and make plans.

Before we start the day, we take turns sharing words of wisdom. One of my favorite topics is, "Laughter Heals."

I have found that laughter is good medicine. Unlike other medicines, it does not require a prescription and there is no danger of overdose. Best of all, the price is right; it's cost-effective. Laughter is such good medicine that even in small doses, such as smiling or holding a cheerful disposition, we benefit.

I hope readers of this month's Diagnote find humor in the following jokes, puns and stories. If so, please, pass them on to a colleague or member of the veterinary health-care team in your clinic or hospital. And you can brighten my day e-mailing me one of your favorite jokes or humorous stories.

"Incontinence hot line...Can you hold please?"

If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K9P.

Why do firemen have Dalmatians? To help them find the hydrants buried in the snow.

Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.

Did you hear that FED-EX and UPS are forming a new group to rapidly ship stones to the Minnesota Urolith Center? The new name is FED-UP.

Say lettuce and spell cup. Lettuce C-U-P.

What do Minnesotans get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids, of course.

A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of draft beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and for no apparent reason urinates in the glass. Irritated, the man asks the bartender, "Who owns this monkey?" The bartender points to the piano player. The man then walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your Monkey urinated in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum the melody, I will try to play it."

A pig walked into a bar, ordered 15 beers and drank them all. The bartender asked, "Would you like to know where the lavatory is?" "No thanks," said the porcine." I'm the little pig that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."

Two congregation elders were talking about the growing trend of immorality in the community. One of them says, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. How about you?" The other responds, "I don't know. What is her maiden name?"

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? None. You don't need it out today, but if it continues to give you trouble in the future, you should consider having it removed.

My uncle once urinated in a wheat field and was arrested for going against the grain.

Two guys are captured by cannibals. After they are stripped of their clothes, they are thrown into a big pot of water. The pot is suspended over a huge fire, and the water gets hotter and hotter. Suddenly, one guy begins to laugh almost uncontrollably. The other asks, "What's so funny?" His colleague answers "Wait till they find out that I just urinated in their soup."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you may know, walked barefoot most of the time. As a result, deep calluses developed on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. In addition, because of his unusual diet, he had bad breath. This caused him to become what? A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

A cowboy lay sprawled across three seats in the center of the auditorium in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher noticed, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched back up the aisle, returning with the manager. Together they tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation and asked, "All right, buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where are you from, Sam?" With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver appeared to be dying from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger gave the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to cool his body temperature."

Tonto said, "Sure thing, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and asked, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood again and claimed, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looked him in the eye and said, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin.' "

A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was put out the cat. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shot back in. So the husband went back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. Now, here is my recommendation. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be sure to be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your own problems in front of him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, wear your most seductive clothing and make love with him as often as he shows the desire. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "Well, she said, "to make a long story short, he told me in unequivocal terms, you're going to die!"

A blond man with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the end of a championship football game on TV," began the man. "She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron." The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again."

A new doctor arrived in town. He told all the townsfolk he could cure anything and anybody. At first people were understandably skeptical. But as he cured every patient that came to him, his fame as a healer grew. However, there remained a cantankerous elderly curmudgeon named Mr. Thompson (Mr. T), who was known as the town's skeptic. Mr. T went to visit the doctor to prove that he was a quack. When it was time for his appointment, he told the doctor, "Hey, Doc, I've lost my sense of taste. What can you do for me?" The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself. Finally, he told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is a dose of my special tonic, 'Kickapoo Indian Oil.'" So the doctor went to his pharmacy and returned with a bottle of Kickapoo Indian Oil. He asked Mr. T to taste it. Mr. Thomson agreed, then waited a few seconds and spit the tonic out. "That stuff is vile," exclaimed Mr. T. "I have never tasted anything like it. Yuk!"

"Mr. T," the doctor said," looks like I just restored your sense of taste. My fee is $100." Mr. T was speechless. So he went home to think of a fail-safe way to expose this arrogant charlatan. One month later, Mr. T decided to go back and try again. This time he said to the doctor, "Doc, I can't remember anything! I think I have Alzheimer's disease."

Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is a dose of my special tonic, 'Kickapoo Indian Oil. It's —" Before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. T dashed out of the exam room, his memory restored just by thinking about Kickapoo Indian Oil. Doc prevailed once more.

Carl A. Osborne

Dr. Osborne, a diplomate of the American College of Veterinary Internal Medicine, is professor of medicine in the Department of Small Animal Clinical Sciences, College of Veterinary Medicine, University of Minnesota.

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