• DVM360_Conference_Charlotte,NC_banner
  • ACVCACVC
  • DVM 360
  • Fetch DVM 360Fetch DVM 360
DVM 360
dvm360 | Veterinary News, Veterinarian Insights, Medicine, Pet Care
dvm360 | Veterinary News, Veterinarian Insights, Medicine, Pet Care
By Role
AssociatesOwnersPractice ManagerStudentsTechnicians
Subscriptions
dvm360 Newsletterdvm360 Magazine
News
All News
Association
Breaking News
Conference Coverage
Education
Equine
FDA
Law & Ethics
Market Trends
Medical
Politics
Products
Recalls
Regulatory
Digital Media
dvm360 LIVE!™
Expert Interviews
The Vet Blast Podcast
Medical World News
Pet Connections
The Dilemma Live
Vet Perspectives™
Weekly Newscast
dvm360 Insights™
Publications
All Publications
dvm360
Firstline
Supplements
Vetted
Clinical
All Clinical
Anesthesia
Animal Welfare
Behavior
Cardiology
CBD in Pets
Dentistry
Dermatology
Diabetes
Emergency & Critical Care
Endocrinology
Equine Medicine
Exotic Animal Medicine
Feline Medicine
Gastroenterology
Imaging
Infectious Diseases
Integrative Medicine
Nutrition
Oncology
Ophthalmology
Orthopedics
Pain Management
Parasitology
Pharmacy
Surgery
Toxicology
Urology & Nephrology
Virtual Care
Business
All Business
Business & Personal Finance
Hospital Design
Personnel Management
Practice Finances
Practice Operations
Wellbeing & Lifestyle
Continuing Education
Conferences
Conference Listing
Conference Proceedings
Resources
CBD in Pets
CE Requirements by State
Contests
Veterinary Heroes
Partners
Spotlight Series
Team Meeting in a Box
Toolkit
Top Recommended Veterinary Products
Vet to Vet
  • Contact Us
  • Fetch DVM360 Conference
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy
  • Do Not Sell My Information
  • About Us

© 2023 MJH Life Sciences and dvm360 | Veterinary News, Veterinarian Insights, Medicine, Pet Care. All rights reserved.

Advertisement
By Role
  • Associates
  • Owners
  • Practice Manager
  • Students
  • Technicians
Subscriptions
  • dvm360 Newsletter
  • dvm360 Magazine
  • Contact Us
  • Fetch DVM360 Conference
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy
  • Do Not Sell My Information
  • About Us
  • MJHLS Brand Logo

© 2023 MJH Life Sciences™ and dvm360 | Veterinary News, Veterinarian Insights, Medicine, Pet Care. All rights reserved.

Client translation an acquired skill

January 1, 2001
Michael A. Obenski, DVM

I waited politely while the two young men seated next to me finished their conversation.

I waited politely while the two young men seated next to me finished their conversation.

I wanted to join in, but I couldn't. That is because they were speakingin Lithuanian. Or at least that's what I thought at first. Within a fewminutes, though, I decided that it must be Japanese. Then, a strange thinghappened. I thought I heard a word of English. It was the word, "up."I decided to listen more carefully. Within a few minutes, I distinctly heardthe word, "down." Perhaps they were speaking English. That wouldmake sense since the two men were two of my own children and I was prettysure that neither one of them could speak a foreign language.

You see, my two sons are pilots. Whenever they get together they speakin some sort of aeronautic techno-language that no one else understands.So the rest of the family went ahead and enjoyed New Year's Day while thepilots babbled on.

I was a little disappointed with myself, though. I should have understoodmore of their conversation. After all, I spend most of my day translatingpet owner language into plain English. This requires decoding innuendoes,deciphering euphemisms and reading between the lines. So, for the benefitof those of you who just graduated from veterinary school (or are just aboutto), let me give some examples.

Clara Fye called me last week to share some important facts concerningher dog's history.

"Doctor, my husband was in to see you yesterday with our dog. Doyou remember?"

Of course I remembered. It took me 15 minutes to explain why the poochneeded ear surgery. It should have taken two minutes, but Mr. Fye is notthe sharpest knife in the drawer. (If this guy was any more stupid, he wouldhave to be watered twice a week.)

She continued, "Well, doctor, I don't know if my husband mentionedit to you, but he's not really our dog. He's a stray."

Translation: "We have no intention of spending any moneyon this dog."

Let's look at another example. This time, the phone call was from HughMustadunit, another of my clients who's IQ never quite measures up to roomtemperature.

(Somewhere there is a village that this guy is depriving of an idiot.)

"I think my cat must have picked up a sickness when he was at youroffice. He has been vomiting for three days."

I glanced at the medical record. He brought the cat in for a toenailclip three months ago. At the time, he couldn't understand why he was chargedfor something that he could have done at home. (It probably takes this guyan hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes).

Advertisement

"Since he got sick at your hospital, don't you think that you shouldtake care of his problem for me?"

Translation: "I have no intention of spending any money onthis cat."

Just in case you haven't picked up on the trend yet, let's move on toa third example. Several times a year, I get a call from Althea Never. Itusually goes something like this: "My dog is limping, has a cough andthat rash is no better. Could you tell me how to treat him at home? I havea lot of experience with animals and I could administer any type of treatmentthat you would prescribe. (She has delusions of adequacy.) I would bringhim in, but he gets too upset when he comes to your office."

Translation: "I have no intention of spending any money onthis dog."

Hopefully, your translation skills are improving as we go along here.However, for those of you who need a few more examples, let's look at twomore.

Client: "We would hate to put him through X-rays and testswhen you can't tell us the diagnosis first. Isn't it true that sometimestests come out normal? Besides, we don't want him to suffer."

Translation: "We have no intention of spending any moneyon this dog."

Client: "I am so glad that I found you. Our last vet didn'treally care about animals. All he cared about was getting paid. He alwayswanted to know when he was going to get his money. We are bringing all ofour animals here from now on."

Translation: "We are deadbeats." (I threw in a differentone at the end just to confuse you.)

Hopefully, these few examples have helped improve your translation skills.Don't be discouraged if it seems confusing. It just takes practice. Moststrange languages can be mastered with time and patience. In fact, someday, I may even be able to communicate with my sons in their own language.

Unfortunately, my daughter is a different story. I will never understandwhat she is talking about. She is in the computer business.

Dr. Obenski owns the Allentown Clinic for Cats in Allentown,Pa.

Related Content:

Client Relations & Marketing
Treating patients with spectrum of care in mind
Treating patients with spectrum of care in mind
 BluePrints Veterinary Marketing Group awarded 2 Gold VETTY Awards
BluePrints Veterinary Marketing Group awarded 2 Gold VETTY Awards
3 tips for marketing veterinary dental services
3 tips for marketing veterinary dental services

Advertisement

Latest News

Pet Advocacy Network honors outstanding contributions to the pet care community

Traditional and holistic treatments for giardia

ASU trustees approve the creation of a new veterinary school

6 tips for first-time dog owners

View More Latest News
Advertisement