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7 steps to intense conversations

April 1, 2010
Shawn G. McVey, MA, MSW

Use these seven steps to uncover the discussions that will change your life.

What intense conversations are you avoiding? Use these seven steps to uncover the discussions that will change your life:

Identify the issue. Ask yourself, What conversation or issue am I avoiding? What instinctive responses am I ignoring? To whom do I need to apologize? Who deserves my praise? Where and with whom am I failing to be authentic?

Name the behavior. What exactly is the behavior that bothers me or is harming the workplace? How long has it been a problem? How bad is the situation?

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Tally up the effect. What results does the situation produce? When I consider how the situation affects myself and others, how do I feel?

Examine the implications for the future. If nothing changes, what's going to happen? What's at stake for me or my team?

Note your role. How have I contributed to the problem? Did I raise my voice to a coworker and need to apologize now? Did I communicate in an unclear way?

State the intended outcome. When the issue is resolved, what difference will it make? What results will others enjoy? When I imagine the resolution, how do I feel?

Execute your strategy. What's the most potent step I can take to create resolution? What might get in the way, and how will I get past it? When will I take this step?

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